The Eternal Struggle

Any marketing expert will tell you that creating an iconic brand is all about generating interest through storytelling, and Marvel Studios might be peerless in this arena. Let's be honest, folks, even if you're a dyed-in-the-wool, lifelong comic loyalist - unless your name is Ghostface Killah- you weren't an Iron Man fan before 2008.

“Nah, you at the right convention hall, son. Let’s talk about Iron Man, B.”

Sure, you may have had the Iron Man theme tune from the 90's cartoon show inexplicably rattling around your skull like a penny in a piggy bank, but you definitely weren't a monthly reader. And that goes double for the absurdly popular Guardians of the Galaxy.

One of the more persistent critiques lobbed at superhero films, often levied by the critics bored of reviewing them, is that the genre's buoyancy can solely be attributed to the installed fanbase that comics possess. While characters like Superman, Batman, and Spider-Man might have been able to crowd surf their way to the box office summit, I don't think Hawkeye, Black Widow, and Scarlett Witch have had the same luxury. Whether by hook or crook, Marvel has forced audiences to care about their wacky cadre of C-list heroes with such a rabid fervor that the latter trio of heroes mentioned above has virtually dethroned the former in terms of audience engagement. Except for Batman. Batman always wins.

Plot armor: the greatest superpower of them all.

But when it comes to Marvel's newest set of characters, The Eternals, set to hit screens in a few months, I'm beginning to wonder if there might be a limit to the brand's king-making abilities.

An act of cultural heresy might not exist that is equivalent to doubting Disney. The house of mouse- barring a lukewarm reception to their slew of Star Wars projects- has been practically levitating over other studios for half a decade. Most of their Super Mario-esque invulnerability speed run through box office records can largely be attributed to the MCU. Having said all of that, I'm still not sure about the Eternals, man. These feelings of reservation aren’t new, mind you. It’s basically how I, and most other comic fans, felt about their comic book incarnation as well.

Inasmuch as Disney's brand is critically unassailable and tied to quality, so too is Jack Kirby's comic legacy and all of the characters he's had a hand in creating. From The Hulk to Captain America and all the way down to The Demon, very few Kirby's ideas qualify as clunkers, but The Eternals definitely fit the bill.

They just never really set the world on fire the way Marvel and Kirby hoped they would. Especially when compared to their direct predecessors and arguably Kirby's masterwork, the New Gods.

Following Kirby's exodus from D.C. comics after the cancellation of the New Gods, Marvel let him to "finish" the story by creating The Eternals, allowing the new title to serve as a spiritual successor. Ironically enough, this is where the problems began for the title, as fans immediately characterized them as a pale imitation. Whereas the New Gods allowed the audience to project a Shakespearean scale to the conflict unfolding in the book, Marvel basically guaranteed The Eternals would brandish "universe-altering" lore from the jump. Kinda like how they're pitching The Eternals today. Although aspects of the Eternals did slither into other more successful Marvel books, the title plunged head first into the obscurity singularity that has claimed countless other characters.

I’m still waiting on a Stingray MCU movie…

That is until Marvel Studios decided to go on a resurrection spree and transform all of their C-tier characters into billion-dollar S+ tier Hollywood behemoths.

As much as I trust Kevin Feige and company, I'm just not feeling the buzz for The Eternals. Maybe it's my "old school" fan bias that renders me incapable of seeing the cinematic potential of the property as opposed to their comic sales history, but I don't think I'm alone on this one. A standout moment from the first full trailer tells us the Eternals have been on Earth for centuries and actively decided to let the Avengers handle Thanos alone. Gee, what a way to introduce a new set of heroes. "Hey, you know that Iron Man guy you liked? Well, we could've possibly saved his life, but we didn't really feel like."

I can't imagine that an audience still reeling from the death of Tony Stark and Black Widow will look upon the Eternal's lack of interference favorably- especially when the trailer shows them interfering in comparatively trivial events. Don't just take my word for it. Scroll through the comments of the first teaser trailer, and you'll see how underwhelmed people seem. Better yet, grab a Ouiji board and ask it about the Eternals. Since it doesn't take long to spell "meh," I'll be waiting here for you.

For context, kids from the 70’s actually found this more interesting than the Eternals.

Now, I can already sense a few rebuttals brewing in the minds of MCU zealots while reading this. "Ok, I'll concede," they'll say, "The Eternals weren't a big hit in the comics, but look at the star power anchoring the film. That has to count for something." Even a cynic like me has gotta acknowledge that Angelina Jolie and Salema Hayek are massive stars, right?

Sadly, being an A-lister isn't as crucial as it used to be. Box office reports will espouse this sentiment more vociferously than I ever could. We're in the franchise era. You can name countless film franchises that will drag people to their local cinema but not an equivalent number of stars that produce a similar investment. Case in point, Christian Bale's next movie won't rake in a third of whatever the next Batman movie draws- despite Bale serving as the definitive Batman for the previous generation.

So, while it's cool that big names want to play ball with us nerds- only after seeing how lucrative it is, of course- the presence of Angelina Jolie will barely impact the Eternal's overall gross. The film will live or die based on how much excitement it can drum up prior to release. This presents a massive problem because the flick seems oppressively drab to boot.

The movie's final cut could surprise me, but the trailers haven't radiated with that patented Marvel energy. Black Widow, an intensely grounded espionage thriller, still telegraphed the beloved effervescent MCU tonality throughout all its trailers. Barring a weak table gag to punctuate the full trailer, the Eternals resembles a meditative drama more than an exciting superhero flick. Granted, an introspective Marvel film wouldn't be an unwelcome addition to the MCU's immense library, but it would definitely be tonally inconsistent with the rest of the brand.

Upholding the MCU's tone, formulaic though it may be, is more important than ever during Marvel's current push to restructure their universe following Avengers: Endgame. Although they've yet to truly fail (we're looking at you, Thor: The Dark World and Iron Man 2), if Marvel were to fumble the ball here, it would leave a nasty blemish on their pristine record that would exist Eternally.